If you’re having problems with your relationship, you’re clearly not alone – especially if you’re in the hospitality industry. A few years ago, when I was at my wit’s end trying to figure out a way to make my relationship work, I had a conversation with a buddy of mine, Darryl Diptee
– a life coach with a lot more wisdom than myself – and as a result, everything changed. My relationship went from hanging on by a thread to now, we’re engaged to be married next year. With that said – I have a feeling it might be worth a few quick minutes of your time.
“Chris you are a chef – you have an awesome menu at the restaurant… Say a customer comes in, looks over the menu and decides what they want – they want the salmon. Inside, you’re thinking they should have the NY Strip – the Strip is the best thing on the menu, however, they decide to order the fish anyway, after all that’s what they want…
Well, what would happen if they ordered the fish and you actually brought them out the Steak? They’d be like – dude what the hell? I ordered the fish, the fish is what I wanted…”
The analogy to us in relationships is this – we think about what we want or what we think the other person wants, so we just express our love to them in the way that makes the most sense to us, instead of stepping back to think about what makes them feel loved, appreciated and safe, because we are all different and though we might need different things, the way in which we connect with those things is different.”
My buddy made this analogy at a time when I was consumed by work – I was working hard for Us” – but she didn’t understand that. So, what did I do? I just kept pushing harder, working harder, hoping to prove it to her. Then, once I realized what my buddy was saying, I stepped back. I put her priorities at the top of the list…. And guess what happened?
Once I made her needs a priority, she could feel that – and then went to bat for me, supported me in my career, etc. unlike I had ever imagined or experienced before.
So, I think it all starts with understanding what that “Salmon” is for them and not just trying to give a big hunk of steak…